Photo by Aditya Doshi

When My Body Wasn’t Mine: Reclaiming Radical Love After Sexual Trauma

January 14, 2016
(Photo Credit: Aditya Doshi)

As I opened my eyes, the whole room was in a blur and my head was pounding. The brightness of the sunlight streaming into my bedroom window made it even harder for my eyes to focus and intensified my headache. After a few seconds of blinking, I was able to find my phone and check the time. 10:30 AM. I was supposed to have been at a work meeting at 9:00 AM, followed by a six hour shift starting at 11:00 AM. Knowing I was in no shape to make it to my shift, I began to get up to call my boss. As I sat up up in my bed, I realized I was completely naked. I typically never slept naked, because I had roommates at the time. My clothes were strewn on the floor leading from my bed to the bathroom. And in the bathroom, there were vomit stains on the floor. Feeling uneasy, I tried to put the pieces together.

The night before I had went out to a dance party at a local club with a friend. As I had waited for her to arrive, I pregamed. When we arrived at the club, we each got one drink. We made our way across the dance floor to the area on stage near the DJ’s booth. I loved my friend’s socialite attitude. She seemed to float through crowded spaces making her way to her destination, usually near or on the stage. As we sat down, it wasn’t long before we’d made friends with other folks in this quasi-VIP. I smoked a joint passed to us by a cute boy. And as if it were film that ran out, my memory just went blank. I couldn’t remember what else happened that night. I didn’t remember making it home. I didn’t remember getting into bed. In a search for answers, I texted my friend.


Read more at The Body is Not an Apology